Mid-Year Evaluation of Self.

Well hello there, dear readers. It is I again, on this opportunity would like to have a piece of go-with-flow style of writing telling what has happened basically in my life. I will spare the details from you, just so you can get the simpler idea of what is going on.

It is indeed June already. It is the time when you look on your calendar and realised that it has been halfway through, the year it has elapsed. It feels like as if just yesterday I was just watching CNN reporting about New Year's Eve. It is amazing how time flies and it is not the extent of you how good  or bad the year has been. I gotta say, from just up till June, this year has not been the year I have expected it to be. Many things happened that made me keep up with life and smile while also simultaneously there are things that just put me down. Overall it has been quite a ride in general sense. I have been close with this person which is really complicated to say when it comes to speaking status-wise, but I am really glad she is there in my life. It is already difficult enough to realise that it is really such a scary route to go through without company, in this big big world. Well, with her it has not been so scary afterall. She kind of switched my way of saying the world as a realist to be more cheerful and benign about how we live our lives. I am glad that we have met and this is something that I do not want to undo in my life. Ever. Elle est parfait dans mes yeux.

Coming down to academics and organisational wise, it has been a decent experience. Although tasks and exams are much horrifying and cruel now, it usually comes down to how the individual is able to manage their time to actually finish their task. My friends have found their passion, be it music, debating, business and so on. For me, I still am seeking for it. I have yet to think about what to do right now since I feel like college life is still the priority.Why? Because my parents have been paying for my tuition fee and it is not something that is actually quite affordable. I know good things come at a price, so that's why.

I have turned down so many things. Made some tough decisions. But in the end, I keep on telling myself that everything is worth it. If you really love someone, show him/her. Tell him/her. Most importantly, prove to him/her. Don't let any constraints and boundaries to get in the way of your happiness.  When it comes to college-related task, all you gotta do is focus. Remember how lucky that you are blessed to enjoy the facility of higher education and that not everyone has this kind of privilege, thus making yourself motivated to do your best.

Also, Happy Ramadhan to those who practice it! May we have a blessing month ahead of us!

That's all for now. I will write when I have the time. In the meantime, take care all and see you soon!
-Ridhaflo

A Post on A Rainy Day

Well, hello there. Here I am trying to kill time, overplaying songs from the Script, Eminem, Onerepublic,Coldplay. It is really raining heavily here. Have you ever had those times in life, where you are just on your own? Although this may last for awhile, but the pain is real. It is painful. I don't want to live like this in the future. Sure, now I have a loving and supportive family with me, but what will happen next? You'll never know, right? Well that is the mystery of life. You never know what will happen next. You might plan ahead on things, as to reduce the probability of having a scattered and unorganised life. But then again who guarantees? That's why in this time of my life, in which I just turned 19,have decided to take things seriously while taking risks. Why, you ask? Well, let's see. In two years (or less hopefully), I would have graduated from my uni, hence finding a job. I know for a fact college life is already this harsh and hectic, imagine your life when you work? All the deadlines (real ones) that your boss wants and going to work on time and maintaining your behaviour and attitude. I won't have that time to learn in college. I acquire those skills outside. Through socialising, meeting people, sharing with my closed ones. Yes, this is something that sometimes is lacking in one's life. So many things happen at once, yet on another time nothing happens. It happens to me today. I had so many things to do in the morning and a lot of people to talk to. Then, after lunch, nothing. I am left out all alone. I can't live like this. I really can't. I may have trust issues, but the thing is that I am after all a human being, a social creature. I will still need some conversation talks, from just about anyone. If better, from someone close. But let's leave that aside. I am really confused in this time of my life. As Forrest Gump said, "College was very confusing times". Meeting people, being discarded by people. It happens, I know. I don't try to be too melodramatic about this. I know for myself that I am not perfect, I can point out so many flaws that I have and I am open to criticism. The thing is that, despite the aformentioned statement above, I still feel that there is some elements in me that is still worth. My potentials. My skills. I will try my best to awaken those in the meantime of my studies in Universitas Indonesia. I have gone through so many phases and I have often missed out so many great opportunities. Short answer: Maybe it isn't my time. Maybe. This time I just feel like meeting someone who can accept me for who I am. You know, the one I can fully rely and trust and cherish. Sometimes tell her stupid little jokes to even share about your life decision. I think I have found her, but we have differences in ourselves. I don't know. I just wish there is actually a way through this as I don't happen to see a person like her everyday- she's a treasure. I can be the most ignorant and uncaring person, but at the same time, I can be very emotionally involved. When that happens, it is really hard for me to keep away. I just can't. I will eventually tell. I already did. I become honest to those that matter to me, I hate lying. I despise cheating and have no idea what the goals are through doing so. I won't give details here, but right now I'd like to keep her to stay as long as I can. I mean, I've come to realisation that you are not able and it is out/ beyond your control to make someone always like you. Feelings are irrational and abstract. The least you can do is actually make them comfortable by being yourself. That way, you both can know each other, about the lives of each other. Would it not be nice? Anyway, this post is meant to be a messing-around session for me to kill time. In the end, I know God's plans are intentionally good, I will try my best in this only life to accomplish that can not only change my country for good, but rather start changing myself from within - to become a better self. -Ridhaflo

The 'Twist' of Life

Okay, so here I am writing on my blog in the very more, of exactly 7.50, Western Indonesian Time. My birthday is coming up, in nine days and I will become 19 this year. I still have yet to find what to do with this life of mine. There are some good and bad things that had happened since my last writing, in which I elaborated later on. I have tried to finish this writing both at class today and tonight (dating April 2), which hopefully I will finally be able to do.

Here I am right now in one of the lectures I have on Thursday morning. Oh yeah, about the one. Well, let's say that I have been quite exposed with the all the good qualities of togetherness in time. All those things, I could tell you, are genuine. Really, there is no doubt about it. I mean, how often do you sit there and talk to someone, in this world of massive flow of communication (yes, your smartphones) and decide to talk to each other and look at each other? Who would be willing to actually miss a class just to show the person around how her city looks like? Let those question sink in to you for awhile.

However, life can be quite harsh to you. Whenever you feel like you are at that stable moment and you think it is the right time to command, well you just do. There are only two possible outcomes, yes or no. Both have the same good amount of percentage which could happen, in which this could be really hard for it to be quantified. It is just so absurd. So absurd. Well, long story short, it was the latter one. It was pretty tough for me. Well, as people would say "Tough luck, ,mate.", well yes, tough luck for me indeed. Besides, I am glad that I have supportive people around me, at the right time, at the right place. I may not have hundreds of those, but I can be sure I will be able to rely on them in this kind of position. Special props would be dedicated to Marlin. Yes, you. Thank you for keeping up with me, with all the crap and boredom you have to deal with in a matter of days. So glad to have met you personally and I hope our friendship never rust or rot. So getting to the main topic of this paragraph, basically, it was very common-sensical and logical explanation, very rational way of explaining. While some see this as an 'acceptable exit' since it was terminated in good terms, I'd like to argue that it is actually worse: there is nothing to be hated upon, thus it is hard to really look forward. Then again, for a reason I know that I gotta keep going, no matter what. But at this time, she is the best that I can have. At least for now.

Moving to the TV-Series I have been exposed by my dear senior, which is House of Cards. For those of who have not seen it, do so! It is basically talking how crooked the ways in which the US elites try to get away it in order to get a certain positions. It also blows your mind in a way to think about that there could happen in real life, even in surrounding us. We might just not know it is happening right now. I am also new to this whole 1-hour-long TV Series, so bear with me. I have only been in the First Season but I am really eager to finish it later on. 

Okay, so this week came with a surprise! My buddy/ bro just came from Seoul, Korea! Yes, this was surprisingly unintended. He was supposed to stay there for around three years. I am not sure how exactly made him to come back, but his parents told him that he needs to try on participating in university entrance test in Indonesia, since he's been waiting for no results these pasts months. We managed to meet on Tuesday, he was late as I waited in McD Cikini. We left and went for Tebet. We ate at this restaurant bebek and it was quite good. Then we headed to Tebet, where we tried to find someplace to chill and drink and catch up! Okay, one weird thing happened. I heard a voice saying "Ridha!" continuosly as I saw her face-- she was my ex from highschool. I had no idea, that in the probability of somebody else there, there she was! She asked for my BBM PIN, I gave her, big deal. So managed to get lost too and finally had our way to get some snacks and drinks and stayed at Dunkin Donuts.  Now, he is already on his way to Malang, pursuing his dream. I wish you nothing but success, bro! 

Okay, this is probably it for now. About my class and my goals and missions will be discussed later on at the right time. See ya! - Ridhaflo

Something what I call to be the best day of my life

So hey guys. I am currently blogging again. I am right now at a house of my mom's best friend. It has been hours here since I have been here. The elecricity is constantly going down. Before, I have a story to pass on before February ends. I am not gonna tell the details but I will call upon the gist of the stories. So I was seeing this girl that I am currently close with. We met and we talked and talked. It was really great spending time with her. Nothing bad has happened that day. It was flawless. I am here to inform that I am happy to see her. I really am looking forward to seeing her in person again. I don't know what this is but, this has been the greatest 'thing' for  me.