A Post on A Rainy Day

Well, hello there. Here I am trying to kill time, overplaying songs from the Script, Eminem, Onerepublic,Coldplay. It is really raining heavily here. Have you ever had those times in life, where you are just on your own? Although this may last for awhile, but the pain is real. It is painful. I don't want to live like this in the future. Sure, now I have a loving and supportive family with me, but what will happen next? You'll never know, right? Well that is the mystery of life. You never know what will happen next. You might plan ahead on things, as to reduce the probability of having a scattered and unorganised life. But then again who guarantees? That's why in this time of my life, in which I just turned 19,have decided to take things seriously while taking risks. Why, you ask? Well, let's see. In two years (or less hopefully), I would have graduated from my uni, hence finding a job. I know for a fact college life is already this harsh and hectic, imagine your life when you work? All the deadlines (real ones) that your boss wants and going to work on time and maintaining your behaviour and attitude. I won't have that time to learn in college. I acquire those skills outside. Through socialising, meeting people, sharing with my closed ones. Yes, this is something that sometimes is lacking in one's life. So many things happen at once, yet on another time nothing happens. It happens to me today. I had so many things to do in the morning and a lot of people to talk to. Then, after lunch, nothing. I am left out all alone. I can't live like this. I really can't. I may have trust issues, but the thing is that I am after all a human being, a social creature. I will still need some conversation talks, from just about anyone. If better, from someone close. But let's leave that aside. I am really confused in this time of my life. As Forrest Gump said, "College was very confusing times". Meeting people, being discarded by people. It happens, I know. I don't try to be too melodramatic about this. I know for myself that I am not perfect, I can point out so many flaws that I have and I am open to criticism. The thing is that, despite the aformentioned statement above, I still feel that there is some elements in me that is still worth. My potentials. My skills. I will try my best to awaken those in the meantime of my studies in Universitas Indonesia. I have gone through so many phases and I have often missed out so many great opportunities. Short answer: Maybe it isn't my time. Maybe. This time I just feel like meeting someone who can accept me for who I am. You know, the one I can fully rely and trust and cherish. Sometimes tell her stupid little jokes to even share about your life decision. I think I have found her, but we have differences in ourselves. I don't know. I just wish there is actually a way through this as I don't happen to see a person like her everyday- she's a treasure. I can be the most ignorant and uncaring person, but at the same time, I can be very emotionally involved. When that happens, it is really hard for me to keep away. I just can't. I will eventually tell. I already did. I become honest to those that matter to me, I hate lying. I despise cheating and have no idea what the goals are through doing so. I won't give details here, but right now I'd like to keep her to stay as long as I can. I mean, I've come to realisation that you are not able and it is out/ beyond your control to make someone always like you. Feelings are irrational and abstract. The least you can do is actually make them comfortable by being yourself. That way, you both can know each other, about the lives of each other. Would it not be nice? Anyway, this post is meant to be a messing-around session for me to kill time. In the end, I know God's plans are intentionally good, I will try my best in this only life to accomplish that can not only change my country for good, but rather start changing myself from within - to become a better self. -Ridhaflo