Mid-Year Evaluation of Self.

Well hello there, dear readers. It is I again, on this opportunity would like to have a piece of go-with-flow style of writing telling what has happened basically in my life. I will spare the details from you, just so you can get the simpler idea of what is going on.

It is indeed June already. It is the time when you look on your calendar and realised that it has been halfway through, the year it has elapsed. It feels like as if just yesterday I was just watching CNN reporting about New Year's Eve. It is amazing how time flies and it is not the extent of you how good  or bad the year has been. I gotta say, from just up till June, this year has not been the year I have expected it to be. Many things happened that made me keep up with life and smile while also simultaneously there are things that just put me down. Overall it has been quite a ride in general sense. I have been close with this person which is really complicated to say when it comes to speaking status-wise, but I am really glad she is there in my life. It is already difficult enough to realise that it is really such a scary route to go through without company, in this big big world. Well, with her it has not been so scary afterall. She kind of switched my way of saying the world as a realist to be more cheerful and benign about how we live our lives. I am glad that we have met and this is something that I do not want to undo in my life. Ever. Elle est parfait dans mes yeux.

Coming down to academics and organisational wise, it has been a decent experience. Although tasks and exams are much horrifying and cruel now, it usually comes down to how the individual is able to manage their time to actually finish their task. My friends have found their passion, be it music, debating, business and so on. For me, I still am seeking for it. I have yet to think about what to do right now since I feel like college life is still the priority.Why? Because my parents have been paying for my tuition fee and it is not something that is actually quite affordable. I know good things come at a price, so that's why.

I have turned down so many things. Made some tough decisions. But in the end, I keep on telling myself that everything is worth it. If you really love someone, show him/her. Tell him/her. Most importantly, prove to him/her. Don't let any constraints and boundaries to get in the way of your happiness.  When it comes to college-related task, all you gotta do is focus. Remember how lucky that you are blessed to enjoy the facility of higher education and that not everyone has this kind of privilege, thus making yourself motivated to do your best.

Also, Happy Ramadhan to those who practice it! May we have a blessing month ahead of us!

That's all for now. I will write when I have the time. In the meantime, take care all and see you soon!
-Ridhaflo

A Post on A Rainy Day

Well, hello there. Here I am trying to kill time, overplaying songs from the Script, Eminem, Onerepublic,Coldplay. It is really raining heavily here. Have you ever had those times in life, where you are just on your own? Although this may last for awhile, but the pain is real. It is painful. I don't want to live like this in the future. Sure, now I have a loving and supportive family with me, but what will happen next? You'll never know, right? Well that is the mystery of life. You never know what will happen next. You might plan ahead on things, as to reduce the probability of having a scattered and unorganised life. But then again who guarantees? That's why in this time of my life, in which I just turned 19,have decided to take things seriously while taking risks. Why, you ask? Well, let's see. In two years (or less hopefully), I would have graduated from my uni, hence finding a job. I know for a fact college life is already this harsh and hectic, imagine your life when you work? All the deadlines (real ones) that your boss wants and going to work on time and maintaining your behaviour and attitude. I won't have that time to learn in college. I acquire those skills outside. Through socialising, meeting people, sharing with my closed ones. Yes, this is something that sometimes is lacking in one's life. So many things happen at once, yet on another time nothing happens. It happens to me today. I had so many things to do in the morning and a lot of people to talk to. Then, after lunch, nothing. I am left out all alone. I can't live like this. I really can't. I may have trust issues, but the thing is that I am after all a human being, a social creature. I will still need some conversation talks, from just about anyone. If better, from someone close. But let's leave that aside. I am really confused in this time of my life. As Forrest Gump said, "College was very confusing times". Meeting people, being discarded by people. It happens, I know. I don't try to be too melodramatic about this. I know for myself that I am not perfect, I can point out so many flaws that I have and I am open to criticism. The thing is that, despite the aformentioned statement above, I still feel that there is some elements in me that is still worth. My potentials. My skills. I will try my best to awaken those in the meantime of my studies in Universitas Indonesia. I have gone through so many phases and I have often missed out so many great opportunities. Short answer: Maybe it isn't my time. Maybe. This time I just feel like meeting someone who can accept me for who I am. You know, the one I can fully rely and trust and cherish. Sometimes tell her stupid little jokes to even share about your life decision. I think I have found her, but we have differences in ourselves. I don't know. I just wish there is actually a way through this as I don't happen to see a person like her everyday- she's a treasure. I can be the most ignorant and uncaring person, but at the same time, I can be very emotionally involved. When that happens, it is really hard for me to keep away. I just can't. I will eventually tell. I already did. I become honest to those that matter to me, I hate lying. I despise cheating and have no idea what the goals are through doing so. I won't give details here, but right now I'd like to keep her to stay as long as I can. I mean, I've come to realisation that you are not able and it is out/ beyond your control to make someone always like you. Feelings are irrational and abstract. The least you can do is actually make them comfortable by being yourself. That way, you both can know each other, about the lives of each other. Would it not be nice? Anyway, this post is meant to be a messing-around session for me to kill time. In the end, I know God's plans are intentionally good, I will try my best in this only life to accomplish that can not only change my country for good, but rather start changing myself from within - to become a better self. -Ridhaflo

The 'Twist' of Life

Okay, so here I am writing on my blog in the very more, of exactly 7.50, Western Indonesian Time. My birthday is coming up, in nine days and I will become 19 this year. I still have yet to find what to do with this life of mine. There are some good and bad things that had happened since my last writing, in which I elaborated later on. I have tried to finish this writing both at class today and tonight (dating April 2), which hopefully I will finally be able to do.

Here I am right now in one of the lectures I have on Thursday morning. Oh yeah, about the one. Well, let's say that I have been quite exposed with the all the good qualities of togetherness in time. All those things, I could tell you, are genuine. Really, there is no doubt about it. I mean, how often do you sit there and talk to someone, in this world of massive flow of communication (yes, your smartphones) and decide to talk to each other and look at each other? Who would be willing to actually miss a class just to show the person around how her city looks like? Let those question sink in to you for awhile.

However, life can be quite harsh to you. Whenever you feel like you are at that stable moment and you think it is the right time to command, well you just do. There are only two possible outcomes, yes or no. Both have the same good amount of percentage which could happen, in which this could be really hard for it to be quantified. It is just so absurd. So absurd. Well, long story short, it was the latter one. It was pretty tough for me. Well, as people would say "Tough luck, ,mate.", well yes, tough luck for me indeed. Besides, I am glad that I have supportive people around me, at the right time, at the right place. I may not have hundreds of those, but I can be sure I will be able to rely on them in this kind of position. Special props would be dedicated to Marlin. Yes, you. Thank you for keeping up with me, with all the crap and boredom you have to deal with in a matter of days. So glad to have met you personally and I hope our friendship never rust or rot. So getting to the main topic of this paragraph, basically, it was very common-sensical and logical explanation, very rational way of explaining. While some see this as an 'acceptable exit' since it was terminated in good terms, I'd like to argue that it is actually worse: there is nothing to be hated upon, thus it is hard to really look forward. Then again, for a reason I know that I gotta keep going, no matter what. But at this time, she is the best that I can have. At least for now.

Moving to the TV-Series I have been exposed by my dear senior, which is House of Cards. For those of who have not seen it, do so! It is basically talking how crooked the ways in which the US elites try to get away it in order to get a certain positions. It also blows your mind in a way to think about that there could happen in real life, even in surrounding us. We might just not know it is happening right now. I am also new to this whole 1-hour-long TV Series, so bear with me. I have only been in the First Season but I am really eager to finish it later on. 

Okay, so this week came with a surprise! My buddy/ bro just came from Seoul, Korea! Yes, this was surprisingly unintended. He was supposed to stay there for around three years. I am not sure how exactly made him to come back, but his parents told him that he needs to try on participating in university entrance test in Indonesia, since he's been waiting for no results these pasts months. We managed to meet on Tuesday, he was late as I waited in McD Cikini. We left and went for Tebet. We ate at this restaurant bebek and it was quite good. Then we headed to Tebet, where we tried to find someplace to chill and drink and catch up! Okay, one weird thing happened. I heard a voice saying "Ridha!" continuosly as I saw her face-- she was my ex from highschool. I had no idea, that in the probability of somebody else there, there she was! She asked for my BBM PIN, I gave her, big deal. So managed to get lost too and finally had our way to get some snacks and drinks and stayed at Dunkin Donuts.  Now, he is already on his way to Malang, pursuing his dream. I wish you nothing but success, bro! 

Okay, this is probably it for now. About my class and my goals and missions will be discussed later on at the right time. See ya! - Ridhaflo

Something what I call to be the best day of my life

So hey guys. I am currently blogging again. I am right now at a house of my mom's best friend. It has been hours here since I have been here. The elecricity is constantly going down. Before, I have a story to pass on before February ends. I am not gonna tell the details but I will call upon the gist of the stories. So I was seeing this girl that I am currently close with. We met and we talked and talked. It was really great spending time with her. Nothing bad has happened that day. It was flawless. I am here to inform that I am happy to see her. I really am looking forward to seeing her in person again. I don't know what this is but, this has been the greatest 'thing' for  me.

5 hours prior another year- A Reflection of Self

Well, hello guys. Here I am at home in my living room. Chillin' with my fams. Yes, I know this blog is not the way I want it to be, "One Day One Post" seems to be a little out-of-the-line for me. I had so many things going on for me. Anyhow, from now I am just going to post things when I can and when it is relevant. No more forcing myself.

Anyhow, how was 2014, you say?

Well, let me reiterate it in one simple word: surprising

I am just going to elaborate in a free-style writing of my own flashing back this very own year.

Okay, so 2014. It has been a rather unforgettable year, for me at least. It is not because of me going to places, it is more of me finding myself. I mostly stayed inside of the country. I explored so many things I also have learnt Spanish as a new language this year. Got into MUN world a bit more.. Had some swings and short relationships... I made new friends as well as losing my friends. This, I am not sure why.. I have behaved the way I think I have but they just fade away .. maybe I am not compatible with them, who knows. Besides that, I have also learnt through so many movies and tv shows that are endless, especially over the summer lol. Managed to finish series like Breaking Bad, Friends and others which I cannot say here one by one. I am just happy and have no regrets. In terms of physically, I feel like this year I have been more healthier and fitter in most occasion and I am proud of myself of that. I am also happy witnessing enormous changes from my sister who had been struggling to fight with me. :) In terms of studies, I have been adapting with the real majoring lectures this semester but I am now waiting for the marks soo wish me luck!

Well, is it all about "good" surprising ? nope. You are right. In this section, I am going to tell the other side of the post. Yep. I have liked this girl. I really have. I have known her but barely talked to her.. different faculty and she is a busy person in terms of organisation sake. IDK until my last week of finals... I found she had a bf..well it hurts I gotta say. but I am alright I guess... also my last day of turning my papers at the last day of semester...she was with him... I was about to enter the restaurant.. gladly I check my phone first. I also have been more attached to my phone.. anyways that is a short review of my surprising year of 2014. I hope 2015 will be a better year in general and awesome specifically! :D - ridhaflo

Getting back on track in life...

So hey guys, how's it going.?

I hope you had a great summer this year.. Like right now I start on writing again as I felt like I have wasted so many times 'forcing' myself go write, but also 'forgetting' the essence of writing also. So I guess the bottom line is you cannot force yourself to write or just basically anything in life. Write whenever you feel like.

So going back to the reason I am writing this article. I had a great summer, consisting of families, Tv Shows/ Movies/ Books,, friends, as well as personal life. So for family, I went on my trips and gladly this year I had the whole Ramadhan with my family. It got kind of tedious when my Mbak went back to her village for Ied Fitr. I am sorry if I tend to write emotionlessly as my hands hurt from restarting to working out again,  but I will get to that. Anyway, I watch World Cup too and although my team (England) did not get it, I was proud of Germany winning in the end.

For the part as I would call it "exploration of self",  I have so many romance. Tv shows, I finished the whole series of Friends and finished Big Bang Theory too. I am on hold waiting for season 8. I am also tryina finish How I met your mother (again). For books I read many philosophical and war junkie books like Tan Malaka and so on.

For friends, I hung out a lot during summer and had fun. I had a summer fling, too. It was great but you know how it is about fling. I am still madly in love with the girl  I have not met in person.... I am now in  third semester,  things I  terms of studies are much harder and complex.  I barely sleep at night,  only during weekends in the morning. Now it is my third week (Monday will be forth week) of my college life. I have been shattered,  teared down by someone I truly believed but ended telling  me 'the good news' which is unfortunately a 'bad news' for me. I have been seeing a few, but there is this girl. She is not as glamorous,  just simple. It's those eyes and those curves in her smile tnat melt my heart. Yes,  I have yet to meet her. But I will soon. She is not from my campus. She is in different city but I don't care. Once I get the chance to see her,  I will  seize the moment. I know it's too but I feel like trying. As Einstein conceded that " what is certain is the uncertainty itself". So might as well just try. I have been trying to get in shape again, it has been nearly a month..I did my training and I am engaged in to my self-made program of #100dayschallenge. Next week is going to be a hectic one, wish me luck. That is all for now. Adios!

-Ridhaflo

Distorted Blog-Distorted Life

So yeah. I don't really know what's up with me. I do not even feel as excited for holiday. You know, those major summer holiday, 3 months worth of fun. Nope. Something is missing. Yes indeed it is.

So it all started when I first saw you through a picture in my friend's phone. I was making a bet on my friend to actually introduce me to someone whom I would be interested in and she did. I really was interested. I do not know why, specifically saying. Her eyes, her hair, her looks. So gorgeous yet so simple. It took me a second to realise that she's perfect in this pair of goggles, in this pair of eyes. I could not see a single scratch. It was indeed love at first sight.

That night, dated on June 7, exactly last week after studying at my apartment's, I was supposed to continue reviewing, but boy I could not. I kept thinking about her. I did not know her name, I haven't even seen her in person. But yet, the feeling is so profound. I have never felt like this to a woman. My friend was being very tricky, she had to do something before actually giving me the picture I fell in love to. Yes. A picture, I could not believe I just said it. It may be true from what I am experiencing right now that a picture speaks a thousand words, I confirm that. I really want to know about her. After 3 hours of undergoing agony of waiting for the picture, my friend finally sent it to me. She was such an amazement. I kept on asking my friend since she could not completely refer to her name, but finally after some research, I found her. I was so happy that night.

Unfortunately, a happy event does not mean that it will always be sequentially happy, as in your life. Today I took the last exam of the semester. I was supposed to be happy, given the fact I will have three months of holiday! I was very happy at first. Then my friend told me she saw her. I was already on the way home. I was shattered. Like really, I regretted it. I did not know why but it was automatically how I felt. I do not know why, call me crazy but I'd rather stay three months more in the campus just to see her.  It was indeed a bad day, a distorted day. I will just have to enjoy my holiday without knowing you for another three months.